Forgiving Yourself and Others

There is a great deal of confusion about what it means to forgive and about how to do it.
To forgive another person does not mean you will forget what happened or that the person is not responsible for what he did or that you need to bring him back into your life. To forgive another doesn't even need to mean the other person knows you've forgiven him or her.
To forgive another simply means you no longer allow another person's actions or words to cause you resentment, anger and pain. To forgive means you acknowledge that while you would have preferred the other person act or speak differently, yet accept that person just as he is...
To not forgive another means you continue to hold onto your resentment, anger and pain over another's actions by essentially demanding the other person be someone other than who that person knew (or knows) how to be.
To forgive yourself does not mean that you should forget what you did or said that might have injured another or caused yourself distress. To forgive yourself doesn't mean you aren't responsible for what you did or said. To forgive yourself simply means you realize that you might have done something differently if you had known how. Forgiving yourself means you recognize that you didn't know how to do something differently and realize you have learnt by your mistake.
To not forgive yourself means you continue to hold onto guilt and pain and demand the impossible -- that you be someone other than yourself, other than who you were when you hadn't yet learnt the lesson you gained from your mistake.
g g g
(Arlene F. Harder)

12 comments:

  1. Hi Surjit:)

    Another beautiful quote that deeply resonates within me.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Peace and honour to you my brother.

    Cyrus

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  2. Thanks my brother Cyrus Rumi, for your words of appreciation and support.
    God bless.

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  3. Hi Surjit,
    It is so good to have found you again.

    This is such a wonderful way of explaining.

    This was a heard lesson for me to learn.

    But, I do believe that I have moved onto that plane now.

    God Bless Surjit!

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  4. Thank you so much Shinade, for your words of appreciation.You are a noble soul.
    God bless.

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  5. Many people refuse to forgive because they do not understand what it really means. It is a great gift to be able to truly forgive. Thank you for sharing this, another treasure here!
    Miruh :D

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  6. Welcome and thanks Miruh, for sharing your valuable views:
    '...It is a great gift to be able to truly forgive...'
    I fully agree with your insights.
    God bless.

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  7. If someone does wrong to us and we do the same to him then what will be the difference. One should always keep in mind that we should maintain the right path no matter what the circumstances are . We should not stoop so low so as to loose respect in our own eyes. When we look in the mirror we should feel that the person in the mirror is much better than others. If we start doing what others are doing then we cannot differentiate ourselves from others. WE should maintain our unique identity. Everyone can flow with the tide but there are a few who dare to flow against it.

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  8. Yes Harneet Singh, I fully agree with your views:
    ..Everyone can flow with the tide but there are a few who dare to flow against it...'
    It requires inner strength.
    "..Managing others require skill,
    controlling your own self
    require inner strength.." (TAO)
    Thanks for sharing your insights.
    God bless.

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  9. Thank you Surjit for passing along these words. Forgiveness is often a hard pill to swallow. I have learned that forgiving yourself or someone else for wrongdoings always benefits you. Forgiveness really means thank you "for-giving" me this opportunity to learn. You are then able to let go of that pain.

    Blessed Be,

    Defying Gravity

    defygravityalways.blogspot.com

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  10. Oh Yes, "forgiveness means to accept that person just as he/she is" - that without them changing their words or behavior, you remain love intact.

    thank you my friend.

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  11. Yes, I agree with you Defying Gravity:
    ..'Forgiveness is often a hard pill to swallow..'
    But we have to inculcate this noble quality in ourselves in order to improve our quality of life.
    Thanks for sharing your insights.
    God bless.

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  12. Thanks Harmony, for sharing your words of wisdom:
    "forgiveness means to accept that person just as he/she is"
    Have a nice week end.
    God bless.

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