A No Between Two Yeses

"Every important Yes requires a thousand Nos, says William Ury, director of the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University. That seemingly paradoxical insight came to the author of The Power of a Positive No at a breakfast meeting with famed investment wizard Warren Buffet. "
I don't understand your work on getting to yes (the title of Ury's first bestseller)," Buffet told Ury. "I sit there all day, looking at investment proposals. All day long I say No, No, No, No, and No - until I see one that exactly matched what I was looking for. Then I say Yes.
All I have to do is say Yes a few times in my life and I've made my fortune," Buffet concluded. The crux of Ury's argument is that you cannot truly say Yes to your priorities unless you can truly say No to other demands on your time, attention, and resources. Yet why do so many of us keep on saying Yes when we ought to be saying No?
Blame it on the awesome power of No. Ury concedes that No may be the most powerful word in the language but it's also potentially the most destructive, which is why it's hard to say it. "All too often, we cannot bring ourselves to say No when we want to and know we should," Ury writes, "Or we do say No but say it in a
way that blocks agreement and destroys relationships.
We submit to inappropriate demands, injustice, even abuse - or we engage in destructive fighting in which everyone loses." The way out of such an impasse involves saying No in a nice manner. The Bhagavad Gita calls it the 'non-burning No' which does not hurt. By delivering a respectful, decisive No you can actually strengthen your relationship with the person at the receiving end, says Ury.
Another option, according to him, is to sandwich your No between two Yeses. This allows you to preserve your relationship, while asserting your stand."
Do you agree?
g g g
source:(mind tree)

12 comments:

  1. Hi Surjit...

    Nice!

    There was a time when saying "no" was not easy for me.

    It seemed almost scary to displease others by not agreeing, but over time I realized that I was not respecting myself.

    This article suggests, ultimately it is the more respectful, honest, and appropriate thing to say "no" at times.

    I like how it is put..."a non-burning no."

    Thanks for this Surjit,

    Jen

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  2. Hi Jennifer,
    I fully agree with your thoughts:
    ...'it is the more respectful, honest, and appropriate thing to say "no" at times..'
    Thanks for your appreciation and sharing your valuable views.
    God bless.

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  3. This is something new to me...not about saying no, but about sandwiching no between two yeses. Thought-provoking indeed! ;-)))

    Let me just absorb this for a while he he he...

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  4. Thanks Amel's Realm, for your appreciation. I am glad that you have liked the post.
    God bless.

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  5. Surjit, I agree. I'm guilty though of feeling hurt when someone gives me that 'no'. So I probably should work on that--then those in my life will feel free to tell me yes when they really want to and no knowing I will not retreat.

    Why do I let so much time go betweein blog visits? Everytime I'm here I go away a little wiser. At least for awhile!

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  6. Stacey, I like your words:
    ...'Everytime I'm here I go away a little wiser. At least for awhile...'Ha HA HA...
    Thanks for sharing your views. My best wishes.

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  7. I am so guilty of this problem. It is almost impossible for me to say no. And, this article and you are so correct. Usually I wind up in a position where I myself start to resent the person or the situation where I should have declined politely but instead wetn ahead. Thank you for these wonderful insights into how to say no.

    God Bless Surjit,
    Jackie

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  8. It is nice to you back Shinade. I am glad that you have liked my post.
    Thanks for adding your personal insights to my post.
    God bless.

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  9. Saying "no" is defining a boundary for yourself and others. People respect a person who can say no when the situation warrants. It is a hallmark of self-respect and dignity.
    A "non-burning no" is such a great thing! It preserves the integrity of both individuals.
    Thanks for sharing!
    Be Blessed,
    Robin

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  10. Thanks Robin, for adding your valuable insights to my post making it more meaningful.
    ...'Saying "no" is defining a boundary for yourself and others. People respect a person who can say no when the situation warrants. It is a hallmark of self-respect and dignity....'
    God bless.

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  11. Hi Surjit,

    Indeed, at times it is appropriate to say no.

    A kind and courteous "no" hurts less than a rude "yes".

    Blessings
    Let's Acquire Wisdom and Live with Passion

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  12. Hi Sam,
    I fully agree with your truthful words:
    ...'A kind and courteous "no" hurts less than a rude "yes"...'
    Thanks for sharing.
    God bless.

    ReplyDelete